Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
