I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize