I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
