p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
