Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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