He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
