i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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