he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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