are you still at the devil's house?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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