you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
