Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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