my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
