Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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