Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
