how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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