I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
