one might say we're banned from that church
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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