i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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