We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
