Jerry, you need to find god
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
