Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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