dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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