Don't make out with my wife yet
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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