At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
