I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
