VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
