The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
