I think I died a long time ago.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
