Your face is a jimmy john
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
