I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
