I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
