i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
