last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think my moral compass just broke
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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