May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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