I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
