You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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