I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
