this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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