conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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