so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
