guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
