Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize