I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
