since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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