I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
