I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
