i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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