upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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