Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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