I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
