How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
