I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
