Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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