I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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