Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
