Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
