Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
