My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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