After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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